Finding that special someone can be a daunting task for anyone, it can be a road filled with happiness, excitement and love, but it can also be one filled with loneliness, frustration and heartache. Having CP can add another layer of complexity to finding a partner and your love life. I haven´t seen too many blogs or other publications on CP and Relationships, maybe because its a sensitive issue, or its not something an outsider can relate to as easily perhaps. But in any case, I think its time this subject gets discussed more in depth. This post is going to be somewhat personal in nature , and therefore others may have different experiences than me.
When I got in to my teens and my interest in the fairer sex started to get more serious, It really put a strain on my mind, and self esteem. I felt very insecure about myself when it came to girls, and the CP made me feel like I was at a great disadvantage. I see now that it was a vicious circle, because I felt like I wasn´t good enough, and therefore I was very reluctant when approaching a girl, they picked up on that right away. One thing I learned as I got older and felt more sure of myself is that girls really like self confidence, and I certainly didn´t have that at the time. Also, its important to be completely honest and admit that because of the CP you will be judged (sometimes adversely) by others, especially at that age where the superficialities are the most important and we choose our partner based on things we would find silly or trivial at an older age. As you and those around you get older, this will improve somewhat, but there will be people out there that will judge you when they know you have CP, and you will be at an disadvantage. Luckily though, not everyone is like this, and those that do are really not worth chasing after, in the end
Below I´ve outlined some of the questions and concerns I had in my mind about relationships and hope they can be helpful to others. (If you have any questions or tips that is not listed here, be sure to comment below.)
I´m afraid that because I have CP, no one will be interested in me, and I´ll end up alone.
I think this is a concern most people have, regardless if they have CP or not, since we are wired as human beings to need love and affection, the prospect of not getting that can be frightening. Here though, I would just advise that if you focus on yourself, and your own happiness and peace of mind, you are much more likely to find that special someone. When you´re happy with yourself and who you are, people pick up on that and you will find they start gravitating towards you much more than before. My other advise here is to learn to let go. I will write a separate article about the importance of learning to let go of things in life, but this is really an essentially skill I´ve found to be happy. You should try as much as you can to let go of the fear of loneliness and ending up without someone. We are notoriously bad at predicting the future, and what we think of as a likely scenario in the future is a lot of the time based on our own pre -conceptions and thoughts of ourselves and others. If you go around feeling like no one finds you interesting, or that potential partners overlook you, chances are this will shape your idea of the future a lot. So our thoughts of the future often comes from our own fears, insecurities and thoughts, and since those things can change frequently based on a number of things, we should not take our predictions of our future or future outcomes too seriously but rather work at being happy and making the right choices in this moment, because that is after all, all we can do.
Another thing is that most people without CP are far more understanding an open than you´d think, especially as they grow older. I´ve been in relationships with both girls that had CP and girls that didn´t, whilst it is true that there was an extra understanding there with those that shared the CP with me, the girls without it didn´t care about it nearly as much as I feared they would do, for the most part, they liked me for who I was, not a condition I was born with.
I´m afraid that because I have CP, his/her friends or family will not accept me.
Chances are your partners friends are a lot like your partner, as we tend to surround ourselves with people who share our values, so if your partner accepts you, his or her friends will most likely too. That being said, I have experienced instances where this was not the case, and the friends have tried to influence my partner´s thoughts about the relationship or me, Every time this has happened though Ive always been supported by my significant other, and as those friends saw she was happy and didn´t care about the CP they ended up accepting it eventually too.
The same thing goes with family really, and as for my own experiences the same is true here, 90% of my relationships her family had no problems whatsoever with me having CP. They were sometimes unsure or afraid to ask me questions, in the fear that I might get offended. Therefore I found it useful to tell them straight away, that if they had any questions or concerns to ask me about it. Communication, information and knowledge is always the cure for ignorance, and ignorance can often times be the source for misunderstandings or problems, so communicating with his or her family and being open about it is very important in my opinion.
If you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of his or her family having problems with your CP, talk to your partner about it, and try to get a dialogue between you as a couple and the family. Just as you should be open about the CP with your partners family, so should you be with them, they may also have concerns or questions that is based on lack of information and understanding, so it´s important to identify that as early on as possible. Then it is a lot easier for your partner to also talk to his/her family about this.
So to summarize my best advise when it comes to CP and Relationships is:
- Believe in yourself and be happy with who you are. Chances are other people will pick up on that, and feel the same way about you.
- Learn to let go by understanding that the fears for your future are often times completely unfounded and based on your own thoughts and concerns, not facts.
- Be open about your CP with your partners family. They may feel unsure or afraid to ask you about things related to your CP, so show them you and open about the CP.
- Communicate with your partner. This goes for everyone in every relationship. But talk to your partner, be open about your thoughts, questions and concerns with each other. A deeper understanding only creates a better relationship and less room for misunderstandings.
- Finally, don´t let the CP define you as a person, both when it comes to yourself or your partner. You are much more than that, and its not fair to you or them to reduce yourself only to his.
Question: Do you have any other question or tips when it comes to CP and Relationships? Please feel free to share them with the community in the comments below.
As always, I greatly appreciate that if you found this post useful to like and share it with others, I cannot express how much I appreciate that.